When I became a mum, I became a whole new person. In the blink of eye (and a push or two) my daughter was in the world and I became brand new. Whenever I think of that moment the lyrics from First day of my life by Bright eyes pop into my head (if you’ve never listened to them, you should)
Yours is the first face that I saw,
Think I was blind before I met you,
Now I don’t know where I am,
I don’t know where I’ve been,
But I know where I want to go.
Finding my place in the world as a mum has been difficult. When E was 6 months old we moved 350 miles and I felt rather alone. The haze of new motherhood had started to wear away and I didn’t really know who I was or where I fit into the world anymore.
Until E was 14 months I kind of just existed to care for her, I didn’t really have any mum friends close by and we lived in a small village where people had established friendship groups and I just didn’t really fit.
Last May, I met L. L would probably tell you I stepped into her life at the right time as she had a very new baby, she lived in the above mentioned village and she was finding herself as a mother too. The truth is L burst into my life at the right time. From no where I had this amazing friend who I had so so much in common with including and beyond motherhood. L encouraged me to find myself and like a weird ginger butterfly, I emerged a new person. I started doing my make up again, choosing new clothes as my old style wasn’t working. All the while I had this wonderful cheer leading friend who really helped me find myself (If you are reading L, I love you)
Brand new mum me is a little worn in now. I am a dirty pair of much loved a Converse that were once so shiny and new that when you walked down the street everyone was looking at your feet.
I know who I am as a mum. I’m confident in my role and as a result I know who I am as a person. Pre E I loved a bottle of wine or two but now I’ll just have a glass, thanks! It doesn’t mean I don’t love wine anymore, it just means I’ve changed a little (am I really prattling on about wine?!)
People often say in ‘that’ mum. Because I am, and I admit, some what ridiculously positive about my life as a mother. I try the new things, plan activities, make her food info smiley faces, buy the latest Toys just because and I love a gimmick & a brand when it comes to E. I can’t help it, it’s who I am as a mum.
I’ve finally found my place in the world now I’m a mum and I rather like it.
Lots of love