I am taking part in a photo challenge on Instagram and today’s was ‘has being a mamma changed you?’
Well of course it has, it has turned my entire life upside down. I don’t remember life pre E, everything has changed but I chose to talk about a HUGE positive that motherhood has bought to me – I am much more confident and body confident now.
I wanted to use this platform to expand on that a little more so grab a drink and settle in, I’m about to get on my soap box!
So, where to start? It’s fair to say pre E I hated my body and my face. I could list off all the things I would change for ages. I would have frequent and very real melt downs about how awful I looked and I asked anyone who would listen if they thought I looked fat.
When we found out E was a girl I made a conscious decision that E would never ever feel that way about herself. I realised that in order to ensure my wish for her came true, I needed to ensure she didn’t witness my self hatred.
My initial plan was secretly hate myself but never let her see. It started by not asking if I looked fat, that was hard because I desperately wanted people to reassure me. I also stopped crash dieting. We mostly eat well balanced, healthy meals. We eat foods that aren’t so good us, of course we do, but she knows they are foods we only eat once in a while. At two years old she knows how important fruit and vegetables are.
Along with the above, I stopped critiquing myself out loud and eventually a wonderful thing happened! I stopped criticising myself all together. I started to like myself and my body.
Sure my body isn’t perfect, I’m actually striving to lose a little weight but I’m doing that by cutting portion sizes and moving more.
However, it is MY body. A body that grew and birthed a small human. A body that’s done night feeds, baby groups, play dates and tantrums. A body that my husband thinks is alright, that takes me places and does all these wonderful things. How can I hate it?!
Of course non of this self love happened over night, E is two and it’s only recently that I’ve reaped the rewards of my attitude change but I couldn’t be happier.
Of course the odd blip occurs, I’m a bridesmaid in 10 weeks for my brother and the other girls are beautiful and slim. I’m bigger than them and at first I panicked but I had a word with myself and now I accept it. The fact is I am bigger but I’m not awful. I’m not hideous. No kind person is going to look at me and recoil in horror and if anyone does, are they really worth me being upset about? Nope!
Of course there are still things about my body I don’t like. I don’t like my flabby top thighs or my bingo wings. I’m not happy about how round my face looks sometimes but rather then hate myself for these things I am working on fixing them in a way that’s gentle to my body and kind to my heart.
One thing I LOVE about my attitude change is that I am kinder to other women. I have to be honest and say in the past I’ve looked at women and thought ‘Oh you are fat’ ‘Oh you’ve done my make up terrible’ I would NEVER have said it to them but I thought it and that’s so awful. I honestly do not think like that anymore, now I think ‘I love your dress’ ‘your make up is amazing’ ‘your waist is so defined’ and I DO say these things. To any women I come across. I share the love as much as I can.
I think I better stop there because I could write on this matter so much more. I am so passionate about raising a generation of women who don’t hate their bodies and have the confidence to be exactly who they are. I feel the responsibility of that but I realise I can’t change the world, the media or other people. What I can do and I am doing is making sure my beautiful daughter grows up in an environment where her mamma is body positive, where she hears good things about every body bodies and where she is accepted, adored and loved for being exactly who she is.
Lots of love!